Common Misconceptions, ACTUALLY. 

Common Misconceptions, ACTUALLY.

Connor, kindergarten's newest star, has had a rough two days, having had some very long-held misconceptions cleared up in his mind.
First was, "Mom, you know what a mandarin tarantula is? You don't need to worry, because it doesn't live here." Puzzled, I said, "Yes, I know. Tarantulas don't really live in this part of the country." He replied, "No, they don't even live on this planet. They live on animal planet." He had recently watched a special program on Animal Planet channel with Chris, and thought that all of the featured animals were from a planet called Animal Planet. He's very uncomfortable with the fact that the tarantula lives on his planet, no matter how far away.
This morning, he woke up and said, "Hey, let's go eat breakfast! Then we can go play!" He was shocked when I said, "Well, after we eat, we'll do school first, then play." "Uh, we're going to do school AGAIN?" "Every day." He had assumed that this kindergarten gig was a one-time deal, and he had graduated. At most, he figured every now and then we'd break out the workbooks, but every weekday? Whew, life is hard when you're in Kindergarten!
The most heartwrenching dashed hope for him has been losing the love of his life. He's been learning Spanish to impress the woman he intends to marry-- the administrative assistant at our office, named Mayra, whose first language is Spanish. Each time he saw her, she gave him chocolate covered coffee beans, spoke a few words to him in Spanish, and he departed with stars in his eyes, saying, "I can't wait till I marry her someday." Then last week our boss visited our home and when Connor informed Dave that he intended to wed Mayra, Dave dropped a bomb: "Well, she's already engaged." I thought Connor would react angrily, but he continued the conversation as though Dave had never said anything. Then suddenly, a week later:
"Why is Mayra getting in a cage?"
"No, she's not in a cage; she's engaged. It means that someone else has already asked her to marry him."
"WHAT??!?"
"Well, Connor, she is a grown-up; you're a little boy."
"But I thought she'd wait till I growed up!" It was really heartbreaking, like a cross between Romeo and Juliet and a Lifetime Movie of the Week.
He soothed himself with, "Well, I bet when I grow up she'll get tired of being married to that guy, and then she'll want to marry ME. I'll just tell her, 'Mayra, te amo!' and she will marry me."
Unfortunately this morning I had to dash his final hopes by explaining that the age barrier was just way beyond anything in the realm of possibility. He's heartbroken, but remaining philosophical about it: "Well, hey, maybe I'll just marry AJ's sister. Because if I live at AJ's house, I can play with him all the time." When asked if he thought Ava would agree to this, he said, "Well, she's a baby, but if she could talk, I think she'd say that she's gonna marry me when we grow up." At least we can be sure that we're raising a kid confident in his own charm.

Just this morning, Ror started using the word "actually." It cracked me up to the point of choking on my orange juice, and it came at a time that I really needed comic relief-- I had just realized that the dietary pendulum in our house had swung in the direction it always does when I'm pregnant-- and the direction is not good. On the upswing, I'm very enthusiastic about nutrition, forbidding anything that doesn't pack a vitamin-filled punch. On the downswing, when I'm tired, there are far too many nights of pizza and the occasional fast food. Apparently we're on a downswing, because Riley Kate's latest phrase is "I want PIZZA!"
"Time for breakfast, Riley Katie!"
"I want PIZZA!"
"Looky, here's a BANANA!"
"PIZZZAAAAA!"
Oops.
So after her pizza demands this morning, Ror greeted me as I walked into his bedroom with the following manifesto: "I'm not getting a diapee change. I want Burger King with chicken nuggets."
I responded, "I have to change your diapee. And we can't get Burger King-- Daddy's not even home."
"Actually, I want an ice pop."
I almost collapsed in a fit of giggles.