The Poltergeist, Elio Style.
Brace yourselves, this is going to be a long and goofy one. Not too much about the kids, either-- more having to do with my own hysteria!
Although only members of my household and Katie have known this until now, I have been fighting with a ghost for a few months now. Have never seen him, but I hear him, and get alot of ridicule for this, mainly from my husband, who does not enjoy being woken up in the middle of the night to hear me rebuking any mean spirits in the name of Christ. He's just not game for exorcism at 3am and basically thinks I need to be locked up. And please note this important disclaimer: I am not saying that the following story indicates that there IS no ghost; I am simply saying that LAST NIGHT ONLY, there was a case of mistaken identity.
By last night, I already had some theories and ground rules with the ghost. Since I had many times said and done all of the things any good ghost-believing Catholic is supposed to say and do to a demonic spirit (sprinkled the holy water, rebuked in the name of Jesus, etc), and he/she had not left, I concluded that this was not a meanie ghost; just somebody who maybe got a little confused in Purgatory and needed help. So my new tact of late has been to pray to my father-in-law to intercede and help this guy or gal up to Heaven. I also make sure to address the ghost very respectfully, lest he/she get mad. I also make it clear that the only unbeliever in our bedroom is my HUSBAND, so if the ghost feels so disposed to make him/herself seen, no need to do it to me-- just get Chris.
(NOTE: All through the night last night, Ror was awake, playing in his crib, giggling, pretending to fight bad guys, etc. After reading the story, take this to mean whatever you feel it means.)
At 3am last night, I started hearing VERY LOUD crackling, INSIDE my bedroom. Chris continued to snore. "Your royal ghostiency? Chris has to get up really early today, so if I wake him, he will annoyed that I am waking him to protect me from the ghost. Could we maybe do this another night?"...Five minutes of silence. Then, louder crackling..."Your eminent spookiness, sir, this is the loudest you've been and I am FREAKING OUT. My father-in-law is in Heaven; his name is Frank Elio. Please go talk to him, and he will help you." ...Two more minutes of silence, then continued crackling. I am now imagining that yes, this is a mean spirit, and he/she is trying to imitate the sound of my bones crunching when he kills me. I start speaking more loudly to the the ghost, hoping that it will awaken Chris, you know, ACCIDENTALLY..."MR or MS GHOST, SIR OR MADAM, I AM REALLY REALLY SCARED RIGHT NOW AND I AM AFRAID THAT IF YOU MAKE ONE MORE SOUND, I WILL HAVE TO WAKE MY HUSBAND, AND YOU WILL BE REALLY REALLY SORRY BECAUSE THEN HE WILL BELIEVE ME, GET THE HOUSE EXORCISED, AND YOU'LL HAVE NOWHERE TO GO! NOW I AM NOT KIDDING, ONE MORE SOUND AND I WAKE MY HUSBAND!".... crackle, crackle, crackle, CRUNCH!... "That's it. Chris, CHRIS! WAKE UP! LISTEN! THE GHOST IS IN HERE! DO YOU HEAR IT?" Chris, groggy but alarmed, says, "Yes, I hear that! Where is it coming from?" "I don't know! Get it!" "Hm, I don't know where it's coming from; maybe it's the air conditioner; go back to sleep..... [snore]..." He's sleeping in two seconds. Crunch is now changing to a rustle.... "DAD ELIO! PLEASE HELP ME! Or else come down here and hit your son in the head and make him save us from the ghost!"
Crunching eventually dies down and I sit petrified until the sun starts to rise. Around 6am, I decide to take a nice long bath. While soaking in the tub, I began to reflect and decided that maybe I hadn't really heard anything; maybe even the power of suggestion caused Chris to hear something too. I continued to soak until... rustle...RUSTLE...rustle... .... The ghost is on the other side of the shower curtain! I'm in the tub, naked, in the bathroom with a GHOST! The ghost will see me naked before he/she kills me! Oh, cruel world!
I decide it's all up to me now. I'm gonna face down the ghost. I'm going to pull the shower curtain aside, look the ghost in his/her spooky eye, and muster all of the unafraid-seeming dignity available to a person who's soaking wet and naked. I stand up, pray for courage, rip the shower curtain aside and come face to face with...
HERO-CHICKEN.
So, no paranormal activity in our house last night. Just an abnormally large teddy bear hamster terrorizing me. I hesitate to suggest anything, but remember back at the beginning of the story when I said that Ror was awake all night? I don't ever want to accuse my angel boy of causing me any undue anxiety, so while I am adding this, I will just leave it up to the reader to discern what his wakefulness could have had to do with my night of fright. But let me just add this: a few weeks ago, we were having some problems with decals mysteriously disappearing from the wall in the boys' bedroom. They're expensive decals, so I was very annoyed, and Connor maintained that he had not done this. Besides, they were all being removed from a shelf near Ror's crib; the only way for a kid to get there would be to practically catapult off of the crib. I kept asking, "Ror, did you take the stickers from the wall?" "Noooo." Then one day Katie came to the house as Ror was waking up from a nap, and I told her about the decal thing. She went in and very casually and cheerfully said, "Hey, Ror, do you know how to get out of your crib to reach the stickers?" "Yeah!" "Did you take the stickers off of the wall?" "Yeah! [big smile]" "Can you show me how?" Ror proceeded to demonstrate as we looked on in awe. So, while I will not make any accusations and will continue to assume that Hero-Chicken somehow made a death-defying leap to the roof of his cage and then used all of his super-hamster strength to hoist the lid off before leaping to the ground from the dresser, I just thought I'd add that little anecdote. Totally unrelated, I'm sure.
|
