Offensive Language
I got lambasted the other day, at lunch. By Rory. I’m still feeling the shame, but I’m still giggling a little bit, too. We went to Friendly’s for lunch, and at the end of the meal, the waitress gave the boys balloons. I was immediately annoyed, because we don’t usually give them balloons, and she didn’t ask before offering them to the kids. So I was a little snippy with the kids, saying, “You’d better not pop those balloons in the car and distract Daddy while he’s driving. I mean it; if those balloons get popped in the car, there’s going to be heck.” Rory turned to me and said in an astonished voice, “MOMMY! That is NOT language for lunch time! You just said HECK at our LUNCH TABLE! Don’t you want to say that you’re sorry?” Well, excuse me!
The Gipper has started “cruising”—a totally fake milestone invented by parenting magazines, through which we have been conditioned to believe that this step toward a REAL milestone is a milestone in itself. “Cruising” just means that she’s holding onto pieces of furniture, and walking while grasping them. Not walking, but not just standing, either. So we hold pieces of food at one end of the couch and wait for her to grasp her way along until she reaches it. It’s really fun to watch. And because it’s been added to the parentese vernacular as a milestone, we get to call relatives and say, “Reagan started cruising!”
Riley Kate is still loving the 12 Dancing Princesses, and spends her days pretending to be Princess Genevive or Princess Janessa. She has a toy Princess Janessa that winds up and dances, but Riley Kate lost Janessa’s blouse, so now she’s a topless dancer, which is very unseemly for a two year old to play with. A few days ago, Ror was in one of his sentimental moods, and said, “Mommy, you look just like Princess Genevive.” Riley Kate turned her fury on him so quickly, he was almost frightened. She screamed, “I AM PRINCESS GENEVIVE! ME! ME! ME!” Now that he’s been schooled by Her Highness, he’s unlikely to commit THAT mistake ever again. I didn’t want to point out the dichotomy of the situation, that Princess Genevive’s character is naturally sweet and accommodating.
Connor is working diligently on his Christmas list already—this year, my Mom gets the award for early-bird, asking about Christmas lists in SEPTEMBER! I thought Uncle Paul was jumping the gun last year in October! I should take a page from that book, rather than my usual run-to-the-mall-on-December-19 tactics. Anyway, Connor’s list is bizarre; I’m pretty sure that most of the items on his list exist only in his head; if it were a toy inventor’s to-do list, it would be a really great list, but since it’s a guide for Mommy’s shopping, it is discouraging indeed.
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