Godmother Traumatizes Young Godson
[Katharine. If you’re reading this, please start saving for the therapy your godson will need.]
Rory has a fixation with what he sees as Katie’s imminent demise. Katie was recently at a party where she [*ahem!* had a few cocktails, and then] held a snake. A big, BIG snake. That was dangerous enough, but then someone took a picture of this display of capricious daring, which Katie printed out and gave to Rory. Then, to really hammer the point home, she posted it on her page. So, my life, lately, is largely comprised of conversations where Ror bursts into a room and tells me that he’s afraid that the snake is going to eat Katie, followed by my assurances that the snake is no longer on Katie’s neck, at which time Ror insists that Katie is still in grave danger. He also goes into great detail when explaining what the snake was thinking when on Katie’s neck: “That snake was saying, ‘I want to eat Katie right now. I’m gonna bite your Katie, Rory-boy, and you can’t help her!’” Then he flashes to the future tense: “And I will put on my cape, and I will SLAM that snake! I’ll SLAM him! But he’s so dangerous! It’s DANGER! But I’m a hero. And I’ll take that snake and SNAP him! I’ll SNAP right on him! Even though it’s danger and he’ll say, ‘Rory-boy, now I’m gonna eat YOU!’ But I will still save her!”
Chris announced this morning that Reagan said “uh-uh” (as in “no”) in response to his trying to get her to touch the vacuum cleaner. She shrieks in abject terror as soon as the machine is turned on, so Chris decided to show her that it wasn’t anything to be feared. He says he carried her over to it, leaned her toward it and said, “Go ahead, touch it,” and that she recoiled and said, “uh-uh!” completely clearly. Add this to the fact that she continues to make kissing noises AND blow raspberries, and we’re left feeling that we’ve just got such a charming little Gipper on our hands, it’s hard not to brag. (And, really, have we ever restrained ourselves from bragging before? Why start now?) She also continues to say “Mama”, “Dada”, “Nanana”, and “Rah-Rah-Rah”. One may surmise that “Nanana” and “Rah-rah-rah” are not words and should therefore not be included in parental bragging soliloquy, but, consider, if you will, that my kids refer to my Mom as Nana, and that Reagan also has a brother named Rory. See? Nana and Ror-ror-ror! Genius!
Connor is gearing up for another school year already. First grade—hard to believe. (Or as Connor says, “You can’t even believe it, I know!”) He’s now a student of Mother of Divine Grace School, which is a classical curriculum, with lots of poetry and art appreciation. We haven’t begun yet, but Connor is very adamant in his assertion that the fact that he has not begun 1st grade classwork is totally irrelevant to his status as a First Grader. He says, “Well, if I’m finished with Kindergarten, then I AM in first grade.” He was featured in a new production piece for Chris’s show, and he loves listening to it, though I was not totally convinced it’s appropriate for his ears. Any cuss words are bleeped out, but the subject matter is “Heckling”. I’ll post a link to the sound bytes when Chris gets around to posting new Junkies bits. Anyway, Connor is very pleased with his work, and is ready to oust the “Turn this ship around, or I’m coming back” bit from its status as favorite bit in favor of the one that actually features himself.
Little Miss Lolly is practically potty-trained. I'm so shocked. I regret to admit that I am not at all responsible for this feat, nor is Chris. She just started saying, “I need to go potty. I have to let the peeps out.” And that was that. (See link at Right, “Lolly’s News”. I’m going to try to post a link to video of her making the announcement.) She is also quite fascinated with her “Lolly Pocket” dolls, or Polly Pocket to you and I. Lolly pocket goes everywhere with Riley Kate, and woe be to anyone who tries to play with her without permission. She is also loathe to allow any males to play with Lolly Pocket in any case, as men or boys tend to not really “get” all that is the essence of Lolly Pocket. In other words, they do not understand that the fundamental principles of playing with this doll are to simply make her hop around in a circle and sing, “Lolly Pocket, Doo-doo-doo, Lolly Pocket, Doo-doo-doo” and say repeatedly, “Let’s have hugs! Now kisses! Now let’s all be friends! Oh, I love you!”
I’m afraid I must end this article in order to have “Cake Time” with Peter Parker. Connor removed the lenses from a pair of my sunglasses and every afternoon, it’s Tea Time with Peter. And every afternoon, this writer is shocked to be the recipient of the startling revelation—“Don’t tell anyone, but…I’m Spiderman.”
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